Tuesday, January 4, 2011

2012, I don't fear you, I am Republican now, with powdered cheese and 33.



 Let me be the first to say 2011 sucks. That's only because I went to the DMV and the dentist. Plus my piece of shit birthday is around the corner. I turn 33. I could be depressed, like most years, avoid phone calls and take a long sentimental walk, but NO! When I read this I instantly became overwhelmed with joy ...BECAUSE....I am not this guy.


http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101224100216AA67nnv



Why is being 33 and living at your parents house?

seen as weird?
I only earn 1000 euros a month after tax despite having a degree.
Don't give money to my parents as they feel they shouldn't take money off me(they are also well off)
occasionally i set the table or wash my dad's car. don't tidy my room.
when i want to have privacy with my girlfriend(we are not in a proper boyfriend-girlfriend relationship) i let her pay half of the expenses of a cheap hotel room.
what's weird about living with your parents?
i wouldn't if i had enough money.

    This dipshit is totally screwed. I have done a few stints at my parents house in my thirties, but I call them pit stops. Just till I figure a new direction and save some money. My answer to this UK loser... people don't thinks it's weird to live with your parents, it's depressing. YOU should think it's weird, who cares what other people think. Maybe you've failed in life and making $ is not your thing. FINE. Bloody hell mate, get a fucking second shitty job and find a studio and a queen size bed and properly shag your girlfriend.  WHAT THE HELL??? You make her pay for half of the sleezebag motel? You should thank your lucky stars you found someone who will sleep with such a loser and pay for half of it. I'm pretty sure you should marry this woman right now or at the very least make this girl official. YOU WILL NEVER DO BETTER! Then "man-up" and start paying for all the motel visits and tell her, "baby, you're worth it." 

   So my quit everything thingy went to pure shit over the holidays. I spent 4 days in Vegas eating ribs, drinking, gambling, smoking, cursing and some other things. I did a faceplant off the wagon and I really don't give a shit. The whole time I went on this plant based diet this stupid piece of shit powder cheese popcorn flavor enhancer I bought at the movies awhile back mocked my entire goal. The damn powdered cheese tasted so good I put it on everything. Veggies. Chips. Toast. Pickles. Peanuts. Hummus. I mean everything! It's a damn sodium dispenser but I couldn't help it. The worst was when I took it to a restaurant and used it on the eggplant I ordered. The waiter gave me one helluva strange look for dispensing my own spices on the chef's wannabe masterpiece. Look jerk, I bring my own damn spices because nothing in this joint is salty or cheesy enough for my refined tastes, got it?  That was a little bit of a problem, and I realized I needed an intervention, but thankfully I used all of that horrible shit product and it's OUTTA my life for good. I went to the grocery store bought a bunch of healthy shit, no smokes, back on the wagon, thank you very much. Drunken debauchery, see ya next year.

    I was at the DMV registering to vote and I remembered 2012 is the end of the world so I decided to register Republican. This way I can vote in all the cool primaries with the TEA PARTY EXPRESS. Maybe I don't follow the Republican mold... Jewish, liberal, vegetarian, anti-religious, legalize it, evolution is real, global warming is real (the list goes on and on ) but my plan is to penetrate the Republican lair and vote for the shittiest moronic candidates and WASTE my vote. That's right, I am disenfranchised. I will vote for Bozo the Clown because I could care less who's president, senator, mayor, sheriff, prop 278, all that shit, just a big mindfuck! First of all, I'm turning 33, so fuck everything. I'm getting older and I don't have time to care anymore.  Politics, healthcare, taxes, global warming, shitty movies, keeping fit, looking good, all of it can kiss my ass. People boo, people cheer, things get done, things get repealed, donate, big speeches, hope, change, war, the poor, oh for fuck sake 2012 WE NEED YOU!!!!

Am I serious? I dunno, I get weird around my birthday. But I did register Republican and I think it's hilarious.